Calibrating energy
Most parents are familiar with the challenge of persuading toddlers to eat their broccoli. If you’ve been in that situation, you probably know how pointless it is to say something like, “Eat it now!” or “This will taste better than ice cream!”
Intuitively, we all understand why. Persuasion in general, and selling in particular, is essentially a transfer of emotion. The “sale” precedes the formal agreement. It happens when a mental shift takes place, and someone is moved to proceed in a specific, often new, direction.
There are two mental blocks that prevent this shift from happening: resistance and distrust. Resistance is the natural human aversion to being told what to do. We all value agency, and the sense of being coerced provokes a defensive assertion of our autonomy. Distrust stems from an equally powerful human instinct to infer other people’s intent. When we suspect they are downplaying our interests and privileging their own, they lose credibility in our eyes.
Overcoming these barriers requires a careful calibration of energy. The best sellers master a version of “the 85% rule,” which involves reigning in one’s energy to maximize the client’s feeling of control and to underscore the seller’s objectivity.
Top performing sellers know that excessively forceful energy triggers pushback. Pounding the table with a do-or-die recommendation might feel justified, but the client is likely to recoil from the withering stench of commission breath. Better to propose a curated list of options and let the client decide.
Similarly, overstating the benefits of your product might feel like a mild and defensible exaggeration, but the client is likely to wonder whether self-interested motives are clouding your judgment. Better to err on the side of accuracy and build your brand as a trusted advisor.
At the highest level, selling and persuasion involve a balance of conviction and detachment. You must get to the point of decisive commitment to a recommendation that, in your judgement, would serve the client well. But you must also be somewhat removed from the outcome. Paradoxically, that is the best way to help the client see the solution as clearly as you do.
Now back to our conundrum with the toddler. Respecting agency: “Do you want to eat the chicken or broccoli first?” Maintaining objectivity: “Yes, I know broccoli by itself doesn’t taste great, but it's the whole meal that helps your bones and teeth grow strong.”