I remember the first senior leader I worked with. To this day I can recall the way she made me feel. She had an enormous, sun-soaked corner office overlooking a dramatic cityscape. It was like a cinematic depiction of corporate power. You had an unconquerable feeling of awe as you approached it. Then, as you stepped through her office door, something magical happened. Invariably, as she sensed your presence, she would stop whatever she was doing, look up at you, and break into a big, bright smile. You had an immediate sense she was genuinely happy to see you.
I’ve often marveled at how that simple gesture still stays with me. But I know why it set the standard. Regardless of title, our default is to look inward, to be sucked into the swirl of our personal preoccupations. If we’re speaking to someone senior, we obsess over whether we sound competent enough. If we’re speaking to someone junior, we give ourselves license to process ostensibly more pressing concerns in parallel. In either case, we treat ourselves, not the only person, as the main event.
Paradoxically, in both scenarios, an inward-looking tendency only holds us back. We’re more likely to influence, and feel at ease around, a senior audience if our focus is on what we can do for them, rather than managing their impressions of us. Similarly, leaders tend to bring out the best in their teams if they start by asking “How can I help them?” instead of “What do they think of me?”
There’s a famous story about a lady who had lunch with Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone, two giants of the Victorian era who were vying for Prime Minister of England at the time. Someone asked her what it was like to spend time with each man. She said, “When I had lunch with Gladstone, I felt he was the cleverest man in England. When I had lunch with Disraeli, I left feeling I was the cleverest woman in England.”
Disraeli went on to win the election.
Thanks for this article. Isn't it amazing how showing an interest in another person not only makes them feel special, it also improves your day. It's effective in all aspects of life.